Meeting more family!

Yesterday Emma helped me give Luke a bath... boy was that a treat! Then last night Bryan drug me out of my pjs and out into the real world. I cried as soon as I got in the truck, but I knew it was probably good for me to get out. We went to Fridays and Emma was such a ham! It was nice to be out with my family - felt a little weird - looking at my two children and husband... made me feel a little old! :)

My sister finally rid herself of illness! So today she brought my nephew, Levi Stephen, to meet Luke! He was so excited to hold the baby, a little rough, but was very content just sitting and holding him. It was so nice to have a chance to visit with Kate and to observe how much Levi has grown, and to see his little personality.

so i finally posted some pictures - these were taken in our bedroom by my mom, the sunshine felt scrumptious and lended itself to some great light! luke has changed so much since we brought him home, and emma has grown 10 pounds, i swear!

i have been feeling a bit emotional the past few days. i cant seem to pull myself up quick enough before the tears start... the overwhelming feelings of 'i cant do this' has gotten the better of me. i just keep reminding myself that this path has been walked down by many mothers before me, this is NOT un-walked territory. then at other times, the tears start from out of nowhere, there is nothing im conscience of that makes me feel that way, i just feel down. maybe i just need more sleep...

but on the contrary, there are glimmers of joy and absolute aw in the life i have been given. i see emma and her tenderness towards her baby brother, the hugs, kisses, and hand holding she pours out on him. i truly believe there is no other baby that could be given more love from a big sister! she even loves on me, patting my back, hugging me and telling me 'oh mom,' she has the biggest heart for a 22mth old!

well in signing off, i read a really neat quote in my email box this morning:

Everybody knows that a good mother gives her children a feeling of trust and stability. She is their earth. She is the one they can count on for the things that matter most of all. She is their food and their bed and the extra blanket when it grows cold in the night; she is their warmth and their health and their shelter; she is the one they want to be near when they cry. She is the only person in the whole world in a whole lifetime who can be these things to her children. There is no substitute for her. Somehow even her clothes feel different to her children's hands from anybody else's clothes. Only to touch her skirt or her sleeve makes a troubled child feel better.-Katharine Butler Hathaway

Give this a shot....

My mom has been insisting that I start a blog.... BUT, I am horrible at keeping things updated (Emma's baby book was written in every three months.... ) so I am going to try my best to do as well as I can. I'm not going to try to start at the very beginning, so the beginning of this year is about as good as its going to get - and will most likely going to be more pictures than text, but at least you can stand witness to my crazy, tragic, at times perfectly magic, but such abeautifullife.

So let me explain a little about my life...

I was thinking about the past, and how my life has been like a roller coaster ride. The ups and downs and crazy turns, I truly believe that I would have been thrown off if I had not held on tight - and that you can't truly smile until you've shed some tears. Then I thought about all the trials and blessings Bryan and I have walked through... some we didn't know if we would come out better on the other side. But, just like the sun rises in the East and sets in the West, God is faithful, and promises to never let us walk alone. And we have felt that presence numerous times. So I look at my scars, not as 'battle' wounds, but as a testament of how there is a Lovesogreat and so strong, that no matter how deep or ugly a wound is, that there was healing - and that healing resulted in that scar. Each having their own story, and a strength that is used to get you through another situation, or possibly aid in the healing of someone you love.

Reading this back to myself, I again understand that I would never had become the daughter, wife, mother, sister, and friend, if it were not for the life I had been given. That even through the worst, there was a lesson to be learned... less than half I understand! But I trust that one day my questions will be answered.

So lets get to the point of this blog! In January we took maternity pictures, and Emma was soo sweet! She kept talking about the baby in moms belly - "aw - baby" she would say, and hug and kiss on my belly. I feared that when we brought Luke home, she would struggle with the fact that he wasn't a baby doll. But I knew she would be such a great helper none the less!

After quite a few Doctor appointment (with our OB being in China...) we were told if we could just limp along till Valentine's weekend, they would feel 
comfortable delivering Luke early becauseof my high blood pressure. So we 
were excited! But sooo nervous! The best part was that 9 to 1 he would be 
born on my moms birthday... So the morning of the induction my mom came 
over, I showered and shaved my legs (hey, if you have the chance!) did my 
hair, put on my face and went in rested and ready to welcome this baby into the world!

After 12 hours of a softening medicine, I was 2cm and 70% thinned, and was put on pitocin. I had

really lazy contractions, so my doctor (who arrived back in town the week before) came in and

suggested we break my water to get things moving. Within 10 minutes of doing that, I started having

some hellacious contractions! I held out for a few hours, but they were coming so fast and so hard,

I felt I wasn't making much progress nor able to control the pain. We decided to go ahead and get

an epidural. Before they did that I was only 3 or 4cm, 45 minutes after I got it, I was 10cm and

ready to push! The nurse actually told me not to fight the shakiness I was having, and not to tense

up at all - I was confused why she told me that, but she very sweetly told me that if I were to do

that, it was very likely I would deliver without my Doctor! But the nurses insisted that he was a fast

runner! Lukas was born kicking a screaming after only a few pushes! I was able to have him all

checked out right on my chest - they only took him away to weigh and measure him, and Bryan

brought him right back over to me. Bryan, mom, my sister Kate and my doula Kat were all there with

me... It was one of the best experiences of my life. Lukas was 6lbs 5oz, 18 1/2 in at 5:25 February

12th.

Later that night, Emma came up to the hospital with my dad (pop) and she wanted nothing to do

with me and Luke, until I was without him. She didn't want to share mommy! We came home on

Valentine's day, mom and dad were waiting at our house with Emma. She was so excited to get

brother out of his seat. My dad worked with her to say baby brother... it was so sweet.

I knew I would be overwhelmed this first week, so mom has been over everyday. At first, I really

needed her to almost tell me which foot to put in front of the other. But by day 3, she arrived at ourhouse, and I had managed to have Luke asleep in the boppy on the bathroom floor, Emma in herhighchair in the bathroom doorway, and my shower curtian pulled up so I could see them through the liner. I had achieved 1 task alone!!

Today (day 6) I actually got myself minus my hair around, both kids dressed and fed, and was out thedoor to head to mom and dads by 10:30am! I even went to the mall to pick up nursing bras and endedup hitting a sale... so an hour trip turned into a 3 hour trip. This included sitting in a dressing room nursing while my mom took one for the team and tried on all the clothes I had wanted to try so that I only had to try on what I knew would work. Although this made us run late to a suprise birthday meeting at DeBrands for my grandpa who is 
turning 70.... oops :)

So I believe this brings me up to speed - but motherhood calls. I will do my 
best to get on and post some photos!